Short Sabbatical Learnings

I am the luckiest person in the world right now. I have 3 months off of life to hang out in California and to figure out what’s next.Not many people get such a wonderful opportunity.

I have learnt a few things about life while I have been here and I thought I’d share them.

1)      Being still is hard! While lying on a beach day in day out sounds like the dream (and it is in sooo many ways) I challenge you to do it.  To be still and not move, not think, not fuss, not make plans for the future. To just be still and see what happens. How many of you will actually take me up on that challenge, or will you just keep reading to distract yourself from it? Being still challenges us to consider ourselves. To address the labels we put on ourselves and all the identity we give ourselves as doers. When we are still and not doing our job, or being a mum or planning the next project or venture, we are faced with just us. A notion the vast majority of us would run from. In fact just reading it made you nervous. When we are still, our critical voice kicks in – you are being lazy! Get up do something! Contribute! Stop doing nothing! Staying still in these moments and letting these accusations pass by leads you to a place of peace and place of rest. It’s beautiful. But it’s not an easy place to find. From this place of rest and peace  you then move. You move in a direction you want to go motivated by nothing else but your internal motivation, your human spirit. Not external pressures, or fear or status. Being still is not ‘lucky’ or ‘easy’ it is hard but the reward is great.I feel I will return to the UK with a renewed sense of direction and satisfaction knowing I am coming back to embark on what I know I want to do. 

2)      Life is life everywhere,  I hope you know this by now, but ultimately wherever you are in life, you take yourself with you.  So you better fall in love with who you are cause you’ve got them for a good 60+ years. You cannot escape or run from you. You can busy yourself trying, you can drink, get addicted, get involved in lots, attached yourself to every label and every object you like, but save yourself the bother ‘cause it doesn’t work. Fall in love with yourself! And I mean passionately and over the top in love!  Love your idiosyncrasies, your faults, your body, your history, your failings, your achievements, your house, your income, your half finished projects and your mind. ALL of it, make your peace with yourself cause you will not find it anywhere outside of yourself. Ever. I love hanging out with me. Most days. :) 

3)      Space makes you more appreciative. The USA is known for being affluent. And it is in so many ways. ‘everything is bigger and better’ and there is SO much about this place that I love! But with everything there is positive and negative. I miss being able to cross the street with ease, traffic signals are so hard to understand here, and J walking is illegal. I miss reaching into my purse and seeing the colours in the variety of notes we have. All ‘bills’ look the same here.  I miss the seasons! (I know I’m sorry but I do!) every day is sunny. Every. Single.  Day! And I am a sun worshipper but even for me a day of rain would bring the comfort of home right now. I miss being able to speak without having to repeat myself. I miss the character of town centres instead of man made shopping plazas. I miss free medical care!  I miss the British humour! I love it here, I really do, but it has reminded me of what is good ‘back home’ and that is always good in a world when we become complacent with how blessed we are. So I am glad that being taken away from my 'home' has reminded me of what I am so incredibly blessed to have and am even more thankful. 

I am SO thankful for this time out. I love the lessons we learn about life when we slow down and take time out. When did you last do the same? But you're right... you're probably too busy to do that... 

IN your anger...

Getting angry is positive (What you do with it might not be)  

You all know about my health issues. I won’t bore you with that… It’s been good to be on my arse for a few years, it’s from rock bottom that we grow right? I learnt early on in my healing that love, acceptance, compassion and forgiveness are all parts of healing. It has been excellent for me to do yoga and learn the essence of love again. It’s been a good foundation to build from.. But in the last few months I’ve seen a shift in my healing. Once we detox and come back to basics it’s there that we start to build, and building requires strength. And this is where I am at... 

STRENGTH is one of my three words that I have spoken over this year (fun and happiness are the other two!)

As a fitness fanatic I looked up the definition of strength training – “The ability to withstand/resist an opposing force”. And this is what this year is about in body and mind and spirit.

Physically I am cycling more and my amazing PT James is helping me train for Ninja warrior!

Spiritually am I learning to resist temptation and the negative accusations of the enemy

Mentally I am learning to hold my ground and not let my mind get the better of me.

Emotionally, now this is where my challenge is. Having spent a few years learning about loving others, kindness, compassion and letting things go I am challenged with the – but when are those things detrimental to my own health? When loving someone means being treated like crap because “that person's broken too”, when kindness is letting someone else have their selfish ways and not challenging them on it.  When compassion turns to sympathy and holding someone up when they should be learning to do that for themselves. Where is the ‘balance’?

Today I am angry about a situation that has been bothering me for a while. Since Jan I have been at yoga and trying to ‘let it go’.  I’ve been trying to forgive and trying to see things from the other person’s perspective, but today I didn’t go to yoga, I got angry and let it out. (** Disclaimer - I was by myself and no one was harmed in the making of this blog). I shouted and boxed and let out my frustrations and anger. I voiced my grievance and shared the injustice of it all and it felt goooooooddddd.

Afterwards I began to feel guilty about being so angry but then challenged myself on it. Is it bad to get angry?

No

“IN your anger do not sin”. Jesus himself got angry and threw tables around a market place. He was upset at the injustice of a situation and used His anger to put it right.

Anger motivates us to take action.

My anger is my emotions way of saying – THIS IS NOT OKAY! And it felt great to acknowledge it and stop making excuses for other people’s behaviour.  I’ve been wronged. And usually I’d find all the reasons that this is MY fault, and today, I’ve done something radical - I accepted that while I may have had a part to play in this injustice, it isn’t all my fault. The other person was wrong. Blaming others is something I very rarely do, I'm too good at blaming myself. But today, I admitted, this person was in the wrong. 

In my emotional strength training I am learning to listen to my emotions and acknowledge them. This is the first step.  Suppressing them, or trying to move onto acceptance too soon can hinder or rush the process.

As humans we hate discomfort and we often try and move too quickly through the healing process to ‘get better’ again. Today I accept that I am angry.  And while I do not want to hold onto it, I acknowledge it’s part in telling me what is and is not okay, and when the anger subsides, acceptance, forgiveness and love will come as they should, but today, I accept that I am at the anger stage.

I am not condoning my actions in this place. My anger does not make it okay to lash out at people and be horrible. My anger does not give me a right to throw my weight around and dominate situations. But in order to manage my anger well, I need to go to a quiet place, meet my anger, listen to it and let it out in a healthy way.

Feeling angry is healthy, acknowledging early is what counts.

Lord, help me to acknowledge my anger before it catches up with me and makes me erupt in front of the poor people who have to listen to it and deal with it.  Help me to be more emotionally aware and take action to process the emotion. Forgive me when I act out of anger and hurt those around me. With your help I can.