As a fitness instructor I get inundated with questions that
start with how – How do I loose weight? How do I tone up my arms? How do I get
a six pack? How do I train for a marathon? How do I bulk up? How do I improve
my fitness? In the past I have attempted
to try and answers these questions, and often with much success. The clients are happy , they see results and
come back time and time again. But I’m
not sure that’s a good thing. Surely if
I was helping people to become fitter they would need me less and less right? But
it seems they need me more and more. You see I’ve noticed, as soon as one ‘how ‘get’s
met, another one appears. It isn’t that
they have not succeeded in the first place, indeed they have! They have lost
weight, they have toned up, they have met their fitness goals. But the
observation I make is that it doesn’t satisfy them. The marathon becomes a triathlon , the 1
stone becomes 2, the bingo wings become a flabby arse and on and on and on…
I had a conversation with two personal trainers last week. I
asked them why they thought people kept coming back to them. They both observed that it was because the
clients saw results in their fitness. But as we continued to talk something
else emerged. Both of them, without prompting
said – “all my clients could do the exercises I give them by themselves, they
are very capable of doing that, but they pay for me to be there, they connect with me, in a weird way I think
they pay me to spend time with just
them”. Wow.
Both of the above scenarios confirm to me what I’ve believed
in my heart for a long time. This world, at the core of it, craves love. And even the people who don’t think they
crave it – do. It manifests itself in so many different forms. In my line of work I see it so prevalent. The
woman who wants to loose weight nine times out of ten actually doesn’t. Actually she wants to be loved, she wants
someone to find her hugely attractive and pursue her. The
man who wants to complete 5 triathlons in a year actually wants someone to say –
Wow you’re the best! Because they’ve
never been told it. The man who wants big bulging biceps is hiding under that
insecurity of not being ‘man’ enough. The
women who ‘needs’ her personal trainer three times a week is craving someone,
anyone to give her the undivided attention she never got.
It might sound Freudian and indeed this certainly does not
apply to all, I know many people with a very healthy attitude towards fitness, but
unfortunately it applies to more than we care to admit to. More
and more the answer to so much of life’s problems is love. As a Christian I often get tied up in the bible
of all the suggestions for living a good and godly life, but recently I’ve relied
on just this one, Jesus called it the greatest commandment of all -
Love God, Love yourself, Love your neighbour – it’s that
simple.
So, now when people ask me How… I ask them a question back – Why? Why do you want to loose weight? Why do you want more toned arms? Why do you want a six pack? Why do you want to do a marathon? Asking why uncovers their core motivation for
wanting to do what they do. Once we know
what motivates us, it’s a lot easier to pursue our true dreams and reach true
lasting satisfaction.
